ok so that title is so totally random but i dont feel like caring.
hmmm feel? caring? ok, so maybe i haven't been feeling much of anything lately. but that's my problem, i've only been feeling two things of late: anger and sadness.
I swear, i think those must be the only two emotions i'm capable of feeling, i haven't felt anything else in the past week or so. i mean i'm either really sad (about god knows what) or else i'm ready to punch someone in the face. i've never been like this before. i don't really like it.
the violence i can control...well ok, so barely... and that's when i'm with friends... and ok, so maybe i've punched a few guys... but they're total jerks and deserved ever punch they got... i mean singular punch... (sorta) the complete and total hallow feeling? i don't even know why i'm getting that one.
i know that i'm a really impatient person but since when has that given me reason to get upset about the SLIGHTEST thing? and cry?!?! i haven't cried this much *and this often* since like 1st grade?!?!?! and the mad? I get mad about things that i normally laugh about! it's disgusting, all of a sudden i just see all red and i have this overwhelming urge to cause pain. i have to curl up into a ball just to restrain myself from hurting people i care about... even during school... in the middle of class... (i'm pretty sure all the teachers think i'm nutso)
currently though? i just feel more hollowness, but not the sad kind... more the 'i'm a shell' kind...
am i making any sense?
confused out of my mind,
kat (and yes, i did just use 'confused out of my mind' as a sign off)
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17 comments:
oh god, kittykat. life sucks. i totally get what you mean only i havnt gotten angrey in years. its always just been sort of numb. i almost whish i could get mad just to feel somethin gother then sadness and numbness. im here if you need to talk. i love you, please dont do anything stupid.
jeeze, how come everytime i say something remotely strange i'm asked to not do anything stupid? i resent that, really do.
and have i mentioned that i now hate doctors? well nurses i guess. the stupid nurse took one throat culture at a time instead of doing both at once!
i'm tierd, i'll expand on that hating nurses thing later when i'm more than just semi consious...
kat
because most of youre starnge things come out as slightly suicidal things. mine would be that way too, but then ink would be in a constant state of freak out. i hate nurses with swabs. they are demons in huan form. more then semi concious is good.
dont give up Kat...i mean i have to admit feeling deppressed for that long is a bit strange but when i am deppressed it eventually goes away..you just have to try your best to get through it...
-MRR
you make perfect sence and i'm sorry about the cause of your pain... i do know what you are feeling though i always feel kinda like that either mad or acceptance/nutral though instead of sadness... i don't get sad very often because it takes a lot to push me to actualy caring about people enough to accually allow them to hurt me like that but when it does happen it hurts all the more
well I hope you feel better, the mad thing I can understand, well for me.. I have a bad temper so I get it, but I dont get sad much, things that should make me sad just realllllllllllllllllllly piss me off.
feel better kittykat
loves for kitty ;)
hey i resent that "demons in human form" comment... i'm a demon... what they are is the devil's human advocates which makes them a hundred times worse
(Note: i hate nurses and doctors too... for being so smart they sure are idiots... )
hey... thanks okami you just proved my point... girls get sad were guys get pissed instead of sad (excluding me and christine we do the opposites of our genders)
that's what i'm so confused about! I DONT GET SAD! i mean honestly the consept of sad normally amuses me to no end. i generally just get pissed but not punch someone is the faced pissed which is what i've been getting. sad is new though. kind of interesting...
and yes i guess i must agree that they are more the devil's human advoactes but only because it DOES make them worse.
KITTY!!!
Don't be sad! Its okay! Just like MRR said, its going to pass soon.
I know that it doesn't seem like it now, but it will.
I've been VERY DEPRESSED in my recent past... and it took me a while, but I'm okay now!
We're all here for you babe!
XxInk
*cock eyebrow* did you just call me 'babe'? there are few things i resent more in this world than being called 'babe'. *sigh* sry, it's a giant pet peeve of mine. sort of like the no hugs rule.
kat
Ummm.... I'm sorry... I didn't know that that would offend you...
Okay, no hugs then....
XxInk
Or any of the babe stuff either...
XxInk
thanka. very much.
and i'd thought i'd already said that to you... perhaps it was elfy and not yourself...
kitkat
No, it wasn't me.... I had no idea...
XxInk
Well then sry that might have sounded a bit odd then, but i DO have problems with touching. or weird names like those.... sry...
Kat
Its fine, I get it.
: D
XxInk
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